T'was the day after Christmas

I am wildly thinking about the day when I will put forth my own traditions, in my own house, with my own someone. The smell of my favourite dishes being served to loved ones and friends, sweet music playing in the background. Laughter and love.

I am not sure when that will be, nor am I in a rush to get it, but I can't lie about having a burning desire to have it all one day. I woke up with an emptiness of sorts inside of me. I don't know how to explain it or justify something that almost feels irrational. What is it that I want? It is often the very things I hate to say out loud that would bring me the most joy.

I want something that people write about and even more than that, I want something that no one has ever even thought of writing about yet. I want something so good that no words can describe the grandeur of it all. I want to feel elation in its truest form. In some ways I feel like only ordinary things have gotten that description so far, and I want far beyond that. I want something to write books about; to fill pages with words that only my deepest desires can create -- to have an experience worthy of being written about. I wonder if these books I am reading are the exact product of someone's mind on fire, filled with the very adrenaline of experiences turned into words on a piece of paper.

I wonder what it feels like to be completely taken by surprise, to be made feel extraordinary. To feel no gaps or as if instructions need to be given out.

I digress..

merry always happy everyone .. more to come in the near future.