Seasons change but maybe so do we

I am feeling nostalgic as heck. I have been using that word a lot over the last few weeks and I'm not sure if it even carries the same meaning anymore but I can't think of a different word that encompasses this feeling. Even looking at synonyms doesn't really help because nostalgia is pretty all-encompassing of the synonyms.

The leaves have been changing, the weather has been significantly more gloomy and I have even been wearing full length pants for about two days or so. Fall is upon us and it seems too quick, I haven't even had time to process the end of summer yet. I've been home at my parents' house the past two weekends in a row. Once it was for the wedding of a high school friend which was nostalgic in and of itself to come to that realization that we are getting older and to the point where marriage is something pretty common. This past weekend, I was in town only to leave town and go for a little roadie to Cleveland.

On Monday, I went on a walk by the waterfront in Windsor which, if you're from Windsor and reading this, you already know that maybe some of your biggest life decisions have been contemplated while on a walk here. Maybe you went on a first date here or watched the fireworks or had your first kiss. I met my really good friend there on Monday and we caught up for a few hours. Made it from the Parent parking lot all the way to the bridge and back. Again, if you know what I'm talking about, that's about 10km worth of walking and you can only imagine the amount of talking that can be done in that time. As we approached the bridge, we started hearing music and people laughing and screaming and having a seemingly good time which of course, peaked our attention. We headed in the direction of the noise and saw something that put us both hella in our feels - freshmen students at the university going through their first ever welcome week. We stood there in awe for several minutes and reminisced on what seemed like many years ago since we were standing there in the same spot, but on the other side of things, as students embarking on their journeys at the university. We talked about the good, the bad, the otherwise. The friends we made across time and the connections we may have lost in the course of these years passing and people moving on with their individual lives.

We talked about our very own group which was initially formed of 3 and we called ourselves "the goonz" and how over time, despite friendships having their ups and downs and all arounds, nothing will ever be the same as it once was. Despite our group trying to re-group, we no longer have the geographical proximity which kept us all so close back then when we had daily classes and saw each other not only multiple times a week, but multiple times a day. It made me sad thinking about how many times just us 3 have moved around from city to city and place to place and the time between our get togethers got longer and longer as time went on. The reality is that we are no longer those kids who showed up to their 10am intro to Canadian politics class every Monday and Wednesday with crippling hangovers but a big old smile on our faces the moment we saw our friends. The reality is that 7 or so years have passed since then and we are now fully grown adults navigating life and love and resilience on a day-to-day basis. The reality is that we made new friends along the way, new memories that matter. While I am sad that I no longer have what I had 7 years ago, I am happy that those memories live rent-free in my head even 7 years later.

I feel like nostalgia hits hardest at the end of summer and beginning of fall because a lot of our memories are attached to the beginning of the school year, despite being several years outside of school. This morning, I watched it all unravel in front of me yet again - watching kids with cute brand new backpacks make their way to school. As I was driving through my neighbourhood and making my way out to work, I really sulked in the feeling of sadness over the moments that are now just part of my memory.