Reminiscence

Back when I was a kid, prior to my family's move to Canada, we lived in my birth country, Romania. Growing up, every so often, we would go to get-togethers where families and friends would gather for a night of barbecuing, heavy drinking, and catching up on their lives. Us, the kids, would generally hang with each other while occasionally annoying our parents with whatever concern we may have had.

My mom has always been a social smoker. She never really smoked outside of having someone to smoke with and when she did, it would generally be in these social settings, at a gathering of some sort. She enjoyed having a cigarette with her drink and dose of gossip, as most European women do. I never really minded it because she never smoked outside of these social gatherings. In that sense, I guess I always have associated smoking cigarettes with social gatherings.

This past Saturday, I was hanging out with friends and one of them had a little venting to do and asked to go outside on the balcony to smoke and vent. We each lit up a smoke and began listening to our friend's frustrations. With each drag I was inhaling, a reminiscent feeling was forcing its way into my mind and I couldn't shake or process through it. Even after the venting session had ended and the advice was exchanged, I felt as if something was pressing on my chest. Hours later, once home and in bed, I thought about my mom and how she used to do that exact thing where she would go outside on the balcony with a friend and a smoke and pour her heart out for the duration of that flame burning through the nicotine.

I suddenly was sitting on the other side of things, no longer a child just watching her mom take a drag of her smoke, but rather the adult woman having a cigarette of her own in a social setting, with a coffee in hand. It was a weird sort of coming of age moment, even though I don't actually smoke, it was more so that the setting was just perfect for it. Did I just romanticize smoking a cigarette with friends? Yeah maybe.

It truly is sort of endearing having these moments reminiscent of the things my parents once upon a time did and coming to the realization that I really am growing up and I no longer am the young girl with no care in the world. It was as if I was now watching myself be an adult and coming to the realization that one day, there will maybe be a mini me looking at me the way I looked at my mom.

I really don't know if this makes sense but I truly hope it does cause although it wasn't some groundbreaking moment, it was kind of special to me.

As always, thanks for coming to my Cez talk xo