Overdue reminders

No one automatically deserves your attention. Ok so then why do I feel like I have to give it? Well, is it given to you in return with the same sort of intensity that you are awarding it with? No. Well then why do you feel like you have to give your all to someone or something that isn't scratching your back in the same way that you scratch theirs?

I guess I always have put a lot of heart into the people and things that are important to me. I have a hard time half-assing the things that are important to me and I guess that comes down to the simple act of care and empathy and probably has a lot to do with emotional maturity. Am I emotionally mature? Probably not but I have been putting a lot of work into that in the past little while.

A friend drove me home yesterday and we were discussing the concept of a healthy relationship and how that gets determined right off the bat. He was telling me that a girl he had been talking to, essentially had a "fool-proof method" of knowing whether a guy was going to be the right guy for her based on whether or not he paid for the first date. We chuckled a bit at this and he asked me for my opinion as to the situation. In discussing it, he told me that he had no problem paying for a date cause that's just the courteous thing to do as a man in his opinion. He was more so concerned with the fact that this was something expected, if not demanded, and yet there was nothing there to show that the girl herself was someone who would bring something valuable to the table. Now, I hadn't thought of it like that which now thinking about it, it seems like something silly to overlook.

Me, as a woman, yes I want a guy to court me. To feel seen, valued, appreciated. I want the car door opened, kisses on the cheek, flowers just because. I want to be told "get dressed, we're going on a date". However, what is it that I bring to that relationship that also gives the guy the validation he needs to be certain that his efforts aren't left unseen? I know that I have always been the person to give more than I get, but along time, I have most certainly had faults. Now, I know that ultimately, the person I am with next, I would like to be certain that whatever I have in my power to control in terms of how I make them feel, I would like to be fully present in those actions. At the end of the day, that makes sense right? You want your partner to be the best version of themselves while they are at your side, and vice versa. It's a partnership and it's about giving and taking and balancing out as necessary.

I guess in achieving that level of emotional maturity, I should (and maybe you should too) think about not only what I ultimately desire and deserve, but rather, in order to attract that, what is it that I am also offering out? What is the energy that I exude? Why should someone feel lucky to be with me?

(cause I'm great duh)

Jokes aside, I think we all have a little bit to learn and perhaps, making a checklist is not the best way to go about it. While we all desire certain things, there should be room left for error. Perhaps a checklist that is written in pencil to allow for erasing and adjusting. Lines left in between to fill out later on. No one is perfect but some people are willing to go that extra mile to show that they care and that they'll fight for something good and that should always be taken into the equation when determining who the right partner would be.