My ex once said to me that I do not make him happy

That was some hell of clickbait eh? LOL you are not about to read some tea so calm down.

During a conversation about what makes us happy and sad, my ex said that I do not hold power over his happiness. I complement his life and his happiness is elevated by my physical being as part of his life, but I do not hold his happiness in the palms of my hands. Similarly, I do not control his sadness. I was a little butt-hurt at this idea when the conversation was happening because a part of me wanted to have that control and I wanted to have the satisfaction of knowing that he would be completely devastated in my absence. When asked to dig a little deeper with those statements, he said that he didn't want me to take it the wrong way because of course he would be sad if I no longer was in his life but that this was an emotion he would allow to himself and I didn't dictate that emotion. I guess in some way that makes sense despite me having wanted that control. I also sometimes wonder how much of that sadness he allowed to himself after we walked away from each other.

I've been giving that some thought lately because unlike my ex, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve which often ends up with me hurting my own feelings by giving someone the power to control the way in which their actions make me feel. When I care about something or someone, it's kind of game over for me and I become this sensitive being that needs time and attention to function. If nothing else, at least I'm self aware as heck.

While I do not want to give credit here cause I still think some of that thinking is flawed, I am starting to understand the concept of being in control of creating and maintaining your own happiness and working on having that in such a secure place that no one is able to penetrate that layer and influence my quality of life by either being in my life or not. Nonetheless, I suck at creating boundaries and that's something I'm working on right now because I self-sabotage a lot. Similarly, I suck at practicing detachment and that's something I suck at even more than boundary-setting.

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that if you're like me, give yourself some time and grace to deal with it all. Boundaries are not something that can be put in place over night and sometimes you have to start off really small before you can approach the big stuff. If you carry your heart on your sleeve, learn a little day by day just how to shield that giant heart of yours from burning in the sun. Sunglasses help, sometimes a hat, and maybe, if those little steps help, you will realize the worth of putting that heart of yours under some layers of clothing and maybe even back where it belongs in your chest. Don't forget that the heart still beats and is there, but maybe just be a little more selective of who you give it out to. Change comes in many forms and the big stuff takes a little more time. Don't be down on yourself for not being where you want to be. At least you are aware and have a goal which is a big first step.