I think this is the angry stage of grief

I hate that I can't change anything that has already happened. I keep making up these scenarios in my head that I can't even remotely modify because I'm not in control of the past.

I hate that I have to live in the present and deal with the fruits of my actions.

I hate that everything I want seems to be in arms reach but yet so far away that I can't actually do anything about it.

I hate that I keep thinking that a phone call will change a thing or two if only I picked up the phone and type in a number that I now have memorized from the amount of times I looked at the contact.

I hate that I know that I should probably just let go in order to move on and stop dragging myself through the mud but for once, I just can't because something feels different than with anyone before.

I hate that I eventually will have to move on because realistically, I probably don't want anyone that will give up on me so easily.

I hate that in the process of moving on, I will have to talk to somebody new.

I hate that this new person will ask me about things that I have already shared with someone else and I will have to re-introduce myself, except with someone new.

I hate that eventually, someone else's hands will be on me, touching all of the spots I shared with someone before.

I hate that there's no way to guarantee that this new person will be my last.

I hate that there's absolutely no certainty that anything will work out and I will have to just trust that I won't be in this situation again.

I hate that I can't make anyone stay.

I hate that love can be given and taken away from me all in the same instant.

I hate that this is bothering me more than it should only because for once, I decided to deal with it all and work through my trauma without distracting myself with the attention of yet another someone.

I hate that I miss someone that I can't just send a message to and tell them that I miss them.

I hate that despite all the good, there was still a gap that couldn't be filled.

I hate that although I know I shouldn't feel this, I feel like I am not good enough.

I hate that I am even beating myself up for it when I know that everything that is meant to be, eventually will just be.

I hate that this got taken away from me when it was everything I'd want.