I think about you sometimes

I used to think that the version of my perfect man that existed in my head, didn't exist in real life. That was until Christmas day of 2021 when I swear, I came across someone who completely altered my brain chemistry on what I actually desired in a partner. I think that while I always had a checklist of things I desired in a partner, before that day, everyone else was simply put, a compromise.

Let's rewind. I had recently came out of a relationship with someone that I loved a lot while in the relationship but also couldn't stand by the end of it. Looking back at it now, that breakup was long overdue but you get used to people so the absence of the good was what I was so hurt over, despite there being a lot of bad.

I came across this magical Christmas unicorn gift of a man completely by accident and I think, he felt the same too, at least at the time. The reality was that we were both broken people who found solace in one another at the time. That romance was short lived and I don't regret any of it. I think it's better to have experienced it than to never have come across him at all. Since then, I have hoped that I'll eventually come across someone just as good, kind, affectionate and everything else that he was, if not better. While I haven't yet had that luck, my heart remains open to the possibility.

I don't really know him anymore, we cut contact some time ago. That being said, I'd be lying if I said I don't think about him often. I really don't think anyone has made me feel like I was the only girl in the world in the way he did. It's a really special feeling. I don't think I ever felt that secure either. Nonetheless, I raise a glass to the next guy and invite him to the challenge.

I'm healed from that and I feel fine knowing that he likely won't be in my life again, but I do catch myself sometimes thinking about what he would think of a particular song or about the chicken recipe I never got the chance to get from him.

Experiences make us whole and build our character. They help us become better humans. We live and we learn and we evolve and love and everything else in between. There's so much more I want to share about him but those are details I keep to myself. The memory of him is for me and not you. I just want to get across that he was that kind of dude you can actually picture the rest of your life with. I wonder if that's just his way of being and every girl that has met him since has the same opinion of him. I really would love to be a fly on the wall sometimes as creepy as the narrative of this does sound LOL.

I will say though that sometimes, the memory of someone is best kept intact and not altered. Who knows, if we crossed paths again today if we would be the same people? If we would think the same about each other? Maybe it's better to let him occupy that small piece of brain space that allows him to be good, great even.

I'm not really sure what you should take away from this, I just felt like writing about it.

As always, thanks for coming to my Cez talk xo.