I have a soft heart

I think we all know by now that I am a hopeless romantic at heart. Simple moments mean a lot, I am hopeful for a forever love, and I romanticize words, actions and gestures. This however, is not about love. It is not about partnership or seeking that out. Rather, this is about my soft heart.

I found myself this morning questioning whether or not I should hit send on a text that completely sent a big "f u" to my ego and made me look weak. I had told myself for the last two weeks that I won't come to this moment. Hell, I really talked myself into believing, at least temporarily, that I did not care and I will just close a chapter in my life without another word. But that just isn't me.

Ever since I started writing as both a leisurely thing but also for you all to read my work, I have learned to pay attention to every single thing I say. While that isn't entirely healthy cause I overthink the shit out of words sometimes, it also simultaneously made me appreciate the weight and power that words can carry. Even more so, the weight and power that silence can also carry.

Earlier last year, I told myself that I will not be anything short of authentic in everything I do and say. This opened up the door to a lot of healing and growing and I learned that in finding my counterpart, I also need someone with an equally soft heart. Someone who will just sit down with me with every issue and misunderstanding and talk until it is solved. I need that and yet, over the last few months, I lost sight of that.

You see, the problem with a soft heart is that I become too understanding, too generous with my time and energy and ultimately, I allow things that perhaps I wouldn't if I didn't put so much heart in everything I do. It can be a beautiful thing but also, it most often is my downfall.

I guess that's where boundaries come in and I am so thankful for the fact that the work I've done on myself in the last year has shaped me into someone who can call it out when I deserve better or need to walk away from something that no longer serves me.

So cheers to soft hearts, growth, and letting it all fall into place.

As always, thanks for coming to my Cez talk xo