"HOME FEELS"

I'm an emotional person which I don't mind because I've never really wanted to be closed off with what I feel. I'd rather feel what I need to feel and move on. But, there are times when I hate feeling. It can feel like something is eating away every fibre of your being and it almost hurts in a strange non-physical way. This type of hurt, hurts more than the physical I'd say. It truly takes over every part of you and puts you in a state of numbness so deep, that you are left with only the thought of hoping that there will still be light at the end of the tunnel. It consumes you so fully that you are left feeling empty at the end. Nothing else, just empty.

I feel that way sometimes when I finish a really good book. Since I generally mostly read contemporary romances, I tend to fully immerse myself in the story that I know will eventually break my heart because it's supposed to, because the book eventually ends.

I've been reading a lot lately and I'm not entirely sure if it's because I truly have been enjoying it, or if it's because I'm trying to escape the reality that is my own. The books are perfect cause they introduce me to a reality that is so different from my own and yet so familiar, I just sometimes wish I could be a fly on the wall and keep playing the story on even after the book ends.

I'm feeling a little homesick lately and I was telling a friend today that when him and another friend came to visit me for a weekend, it felt like they had brought home with them. I've always thought that the concept of "home" is fluid and it doesn't necessarily mean a place, but I had forgotten how at ease I can feel around people that are ...home. It's like a cozy and familiar feeling and you just want to hug everything.

I'm in my feels heavily tonight and I miss home. I miss my dog, my friends, the late night tims runs. I miss the walks at the river and the late nights in Leddy. I miss beers with the boys and 29 on a Saturday night. I miss getting ice cream and jamming out ,and jamaican rolls from niko sushi... I know some of you might not relate at all to any of what I said in this last paragraph but it weirdly all constitutes a feeling of home to me. A feeling of warmth.

It's kind of weird to think that although a lot of what home is, is really more so made up of moments and people, it's also made up of places since most of what I mentioned is in Windsor. It's weird that I feel like I have heavily outgrown Windsor and I can't see myself living there again maybe ever. The irony of it all is that my home-sickness is technically tied to Windsor because of those moments and people so even though I don't necessarily miss Windsor, I technically do by proxy. This is probably a huge mind fuck for you all but if you're still reading and don't think I've completely lost it, thank you LOL.

Maybe I'm just a little in my feels. Looking forward to going "home" next weekend and I think that's just what it is.