Hitting play again

I've been feeling nostalgic lately. That feeling is multi-fold because there are tons of reasons as to why I feel this way. At this time last year, I was out on the east coast, in love. I was spending time by the ocean, learning about places I had never been to before. On this day in particular, I was in Provincetown, Cape Cod. I remember the gritty clam chowder and drinking cold white claws on the steps of what I think was a church if I'm not mistaken. I had a catch-up conversation with a friend I made out there the other day and speaking to her made me re-live some really great memories I had made. Memories of happy days make me pretty nostalgic when seeing how much can change in the course of a year.

I spent last week at home with my family because I was feeling homesick. In the week at home, I felt a need to detach as much as possible. I didn't make plans with anyone, and concentrated on being present to my needs for family interaction. I sat out in the sun, splashed around in the pool, and read a book that was arguably one of the best I've ever read. I put in place a reset for myself and what I want to focus on next in the months to come. I think I really needed that because I came back yesterday with a desire for change and a charged battery. I have been feeling like I've been playing catch-up in my life as of late so it's nice to feel like I caught up to myself. I feel ready to embark on some life-altering decisions. I know this is kind of vague and cryptic but what I am saying is that lately I feel like I had hit pause on my life and vegetated in a state of comfort instead of trying to improve on all areas of my life and I think this is my time to hit play again and take charge of the changes I want to make.

I've made a responsible choice to stop dating for now. I think that this next phase of my life is going to revolve around a lot of growth and I don't like meaningless interactions. I feel like my heart is in a place of exhaustion from introducing and re-introducing myself to guys who are not really serving a purpose in my life right now and I'm growing sort of tired of talking to someone new about my hobbies over dinner. I miss that feeling of being cared for and inquired about and for someone to have a deeper connection with me, but I think that sort of role will be reserved for someone more special and maybe more so down the line. I feel like I'm still not over certain aspects of my most recent romantic encounters and I would hate to string someone along when I know damn well that I'm emotionally unavailable. Maybe this is just not the time.

In thinking about pushing that play button, I wonder if you, the one reading this, have recently put some thought into this. When was the last time you took an inventory of your life and thought about what is serving you and what no longer is, what is good for you and what is causing you more harm? What's your next step? Your next achievement?

If nothing else, I want you to consider whether you have hit pause at a comfortable stage in your life and have failed to remember to press play again. Give that some thought.