Call me, I miss the sound of your voice

I often wonder if love makes sense when it's not the love you expect to receive. Is it worth it to stay in a place where the love you are getting is not how you pictured love to be, despite the other person being the kind of person you would ultimately desire? What if you have two super worthy people in the mix?

I'm not sure how to explain this but I will give it my best shot.

I have always been of the impression that there should be something glimmering in your eyes when you are loving the person that you are meant to be with. There should be a continuous spark, an adoration for that person and you should feel certainty that this is the exact relationship you want to be in. The type of shit you see in movies and read in books about where two people can't get enough of one another. Me personally, I only experienced that once in my life and I still think about it.

My mom says that anything like that is pre-destined to fail because whatever catches fire quickly, is also quickly extinguished. I also experienced that because my personal "shit you see in movies and read in books about mini relationship where two people can't get enough of one another" was taken away from me sooner than I wanted to let go of (if ever). Since then, I still continued to be of the opinion that the same type of fire exists elsewhere and when that right person comes along, I will just know with absolute 120% certainty and it will be easy and insane and loving and fast but also slow and hungry and gentle and everything in between. I still do believe that.

Now, let's look at things another way. Let's suppose that "shit you see in movies and read in books about" is as my mom says, something that is pre-destined to fail because it's chaotic and superficial. Let's suppose someone worthy comes along who checks most boxes off but you don't feel that same sort of fire towards. What then? Do you discredit a person that is good and faithful, honest and treats you well, all because you want to feel ..more? Or... do you learn to love the person that is in front of you because the one you want might actually be just an imaginary idea of something that might not be true? Do you chase the thrill of an extraordinary love or do you build love from the ground up?

My mom said she didn't like my dad when they initially met. She went on several dates with him before she was able to gain a liking to him and eventually with every date that they went on, she began to gain an appreciation for who he was, his character, how much he was putting in to be with her. She built up her love for him and now, 30 or so years later, she can say that she doesn't regret it one bit. She didn't feel like she settled, rather, she simply gave time for the love to develop. Rest assured though, she did not feel any sort of fireworks when they were initially together.

With the thought in mind that we only have one life to live, I wonder what even makes sense in love. My mind also goes to those people that did love each other at one point in time, but here they are, years later, wondering what the hell they're still doing in a relationship where the love and spark is gone. Are they simply settling and wasting time staying in a relationship that has been long over? Is the foundation of trust and compassion for one another that they built over time enough to stay in that relationship? Is it superficial to want more than a love where you will eventually feel complacent?

I'm not sure I know the answer to any of this.

Extraordinary, fiery, know-right-off-the-bat love or a build it step by step, brick by brick foundation love?

What do you think?