Boundaries and dreams

For a week or so I have been talking about how badly I want to go to church on Sunday and just attend a service. I am not religious by any means but I remembered a week ago about the peace that I got from going to church about 6 or so years ago. Okay let's backtrack. About 6-7 years ago or something like that, I broke up with my first ever boyfriend. I remember being absolutely devastated because that was my first ever love and at the time, I did not think that I would ever move on (silly I know). About a month into the breakup, I had told my friend that I was interested in attending a church service and she offered to come with me. It was really sweet because my church was entirely in Romanian, and her church was entirely in Arabic. Even so, every Sunday thereon, we went to church and one week we would attend the service at my church, and one week at hers. The whole thing wasn't really about religion or understanding the word of God or anything like that. Instead, it was more so about our own internal fulfillment and healing. I will never forget that because for those few months that we went, I not only felt more at peace with just how life was unfolding post-heartbreak, but I also felt so supported by my friend who willingly came to church with me and and attended services that some weeks she did not even understand.

Recently, I have been feeling that need again for spiritual fulfillment and it's kind of funny how this only tends to affect me when I go through a healing phase but I guess I sort of made it a goal of mine to go to church on Sunday.

With that being said, I have been thinking a lot about the actions and things I do when I am not relying on anyone else to bring me a dose of dopamine.Ok so hear me out... why is it that only when I'm single, I put a price on things such as spiritual healing, taking time for myself, health journey, etc etc etc.

Why do I forget these things, or better yet, ignore them when someone else is part of my life?

Why is it that a person can change the way you do things? Does anyone else feel that? I better not be the only one cause seriously, then that's a problem. I guess that's what people mean when they say that people let themselves go in a relationship. Usually I find that statement to be related to weight gain or physical appearance, which has never really been my issue. Instead, I find that when I'm in a relationship, I put my goals/dreams/aspirations/desires on a back burner in order to make my partner happy or accord them the time they desire from me. I do that without meaning to and truth be told, I guess I never really tried to set that boundary either.

I guess the point of this blog post is to become self-aware of what YOU want.

Who do you want to be?

What makes you happy outside of a relationship?

What is an activity that you have always wanted to engage in and what is stopping you from doing so?

Are you putting enough boundaries up that allow you to rationally be there for yourself?

You're totally welcome for the unpaid therapy I just put you through.