Angels in human form part 2

Nearly a year ago I wrote a post about a dear friend of mine who became a crutch to me during a trying time of my life. I remember that at that point in time, I was broken as hell, more broken than I had been in years, and she devoted a portion of time every day to make sure I would be okay. It has been just under a year since then and I wanted to express some thoughts about what has transpired since.

I think that as we grow older, friendships change (obviously) and people that I thought would be in my life forever can find their way out of my life for one reason or another. That happens and that's okay. It may hurt, you may cry over the loss of some friends, but at some point, it just becomes okay. I've gone through a lot of transitions in the past year which in some ways helped me solidify relationships, and in others, put a stop to what was no longer serving me. As cliché as that may sound, people come and go.

I had a moment last night where I sent my friend a voice note that I instantly regretted sending. I was feeling weak and vulnerable and I wanted to express to her how I felt in order to get some comfort. As soon as I replayed the voice note and I heard back everything I had just said out loud, I literally thought I was going insane. Why was I thinking such troubled thoughts? What would she think of me when playing back that voice note?

The thing is that this whole concept of "working on yourself" doesn't really ever stop. As you keep doing it, you come across different sets of challenges that either puts you off track, or you have to figure out a way to overcome them. When my friend answered me and addressed the things that were occupying my peace of mind last night, she did not think I was going insane. Instead, she immediately tried to understand and validate why I might be feeling that way. I genuinely thought that once she hears me talk about such silly things, she would roll her eyes and think "cez has lost it".

Over 365 days have now passed of daily "good morning brother, how are you?" texts or voice notes. Over 365 days have passed where a simple wish of well was sent, even if we were both busy. Some days it was more, and other days it was just a hello.

Friendship is not measured by the number of years someone can be in your life, but rather the value that the friendship brings to your life. Sometimes friendship is just about taking a step back and listening, and other times, friendship is about taking a stance and being that crutch when your friend needs it most. Friendship is not easy, in fact, it's rather hard. It's hard to be a good friend, it takes effort and time. It takes checking in on someone's mental health and it takes being shut down when your friend is not in a position to talk or has a desire to do so. Friendship is about taking your friend at their absolute worst and trying to understand their pain and be there for them in the capacity they need you at the material time. Friendship is not always 50/50. Somedays, it won't even be 70/30 and that is totally okay. The point of being a friend is to be there no matter what.

I'm grateful for the fact that I have someone in my life that does that sort of work as a friend to check in, to listen, to be there. I am grateful that she keeps me accountable, responsible, inspired and safe. I hope that when I eventually bring a man around her, HE will be worthy of meeting the person that has helped me strengthen the relationship I have with myself. I want her to be proud of me for finding someone that will foster the work she put in with me and someone who will be my friend the way she is.

If I didn't realize it before, I do now and that's the ultimate goal: to find someone to love that is worthy of meeting Teja.