Angels in human form

I have had a girl friend in my life for about eight years or so. We haven't always been ridiculously close, but she's sort of been a constant person in my life for about the last eight years. The thing about friendships is that certain ones, can survive without the constant need for attention and it's cool when you can come together every few months or so and catch up. Sometimes it feels as if no time had gone by at all, because you're still the same two peas in a pod, with the same vibes and the same great times every time you come together.

When we first met, we were two very different individuals. I didn't necessarily like her right off the bat and I wonder if part of my dislike for her was because of a little bit of envy because she was essentially everything I dreamt of being. I was a broke college student living at home with my parents and I maybe had $20 to my name at all times. She was in a better financial situation and had a wardrobe so extensive, it could probably dress a small village. Soon after becoming friends, I began shopping in her massive closet every time I had an event to go to and that was great.

Throughout the years, we had ups and downs and all arounds but surprisingly so, she was just someone in my life. When I moved to Toronto about three years ago, she was there for my going away party and every time I came back to my hometown, she was just someone I always made time to see and catch up with.

Towards the end of the year last year and while I was at home with my parents, my whole world kind of turned upside down. Coincidentally, the day after my whole life blew up, I had plans to hangout with her. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. Our friendship sort of took a turn right around then.

Before I knew it, our super low-maintenance friendship turned into much more of a commitment with every single day that she actively pursued checking in on me. Every single day since and to the present day, I wake up to a voice note from her wishing me a good morning and asking how I'm feeling. It was always such a simple gesture that takes no longer than maybe 10 seconds, but I have no idea how to show my upmost appreciation for how much of a crutch she became for me in the last little while. I always said to myself that it's so important to surround yourself with good people who complement your life, but boy, I never expected to be blessed with such an angel. I have bad days when I don't listen to a single thing she says and I have days when I try to prove her wrong. I have days when I am difficult to get along with and I have days where I feel so broken, I don't want to do any of the positive things she encourages me to do. Through it all, she stays and she continues to check in every single day.

The truth is, and this may be quite vulnerable, but I was kicked to the dirt about three different times since and every single time, I felt like I was going right back to the starting point of fixing whatever was broken in my life and trying to understand what that meant for my progress. Some days were shittier than others and other days were so good I wanted to cry just because I was able to feel pure joy and love again. She was there through it all. Our lives got significantly busier this year and that stopped nothing. We could have been across the country from each other on trips and what not, and we still found the time to check in and ensure the other was okay. Everybody is busy, but you make time for the people you care about and that is so important. I think one of my biggest pet peeves is when people can blame a variety of reasons as to why they aren't able to keep in touch but I think it comes down to the level of care you have for a person. If someone means that much to you, you just make time.

Over the weekend I have been thinking a lot about the fact that I am better now and in a significantly more positive head space. I am doing the work on healing from trauma and I just overall feel better. Nonetheless, this morning, I woke up to a voice note wishing me a good morning and checking in on me and I will just say this: I'm really thankful for this angel of a human for making me feel so heard, validated and safe over the last few months. I really have no idea how or why I deserve her but I hope to God that everyone, everywhere, has this sort of a support system in human form because there's no amount of paid therapy that can do what she has done for me just by being present and proactive in my life.