Adulting of sorts

At the beginning of every fall season, my sisters and I have a sort of tradition where when we get into the car together, we often listen to songs by Jon Bellion. We call it "fall feels". It is rather wholesome because we have been doing it for years on end.

I happened to have a song by him come on my shuffle list this morning as I was heading into work. I generally skip it because I save those songs to listen to with my sisters, but today, I indulged and gave it a listen. It put me on a wave of nostalgia as I had some revelations about where I was and where I am going. Last year, was the first fall season that I was away from my family. However, it was on purpose because I was starting a new degree in a new city. This year, I am here, in a different city, by choice. I do not have to be here any longer but I choose to be.

I often get scared about this concept of adulting because I still feel like I am faking it until I make it. I often also wonder if others feel the same. Does adulting come naturally to anyone? I wonder.

As the leaves start turning and the cold breeze takes over the city, I wonder if I will ever return home permanently. Part of me hopes not because I would close doors to myself in some ways, and part of me wonders what else is out there for me. The world might be my oyster as they say, but it feels rather gigantic and overwhelming. I often wonder if I am paving my way to something in particular, or if I am really indulging in smelling the roses on the way. Either way, I guess it is time to start thinking more like an adult.