A full year

On this day last year, the reality of what we were calling an actual "pandemic" was starting to settle in. It was a few days after the last day out on the town. I remember entering one of my favourite bars with some new friends I had made during that last weekend of freedom. It looked deserted. We were the only four people in the whole bar and I got an eerie feeling that things were about to get much worse.

Spoiler alert: they did. We have now come full circle, a year later. Not much has changed, still in the middle of the pandemic. What is different however, is the mental, physical and emotional state that we are in, a year after the fact. That has all gone to shit. I literally cannot remember what it was like to be in a room full of people. I cannot remember what it felt like to not have a single restriction to moving, being, living.

What was it like to be sat down in a restaurant at the only free table in the whole joint? What was it like to go on a date and not wear a mask?

What was it like to even meet people organically? Wild.

It's been a hard year and yet, it seems like it was just yesterday that it all happened. I'm not going to lie, I've been having a very hard time writing this blog post. I started it at the beginning of the week and it is now Friday and I am scrambling for the will to write it.

The other day, I was walking to the subway station on my way to work and I remember thinking that a full year after the fact, all I feel is that I was robbed of a year of life. I mean, that sounds pretty dramatic because I did a bunch of awesome things last year regardless, but, it was my 25th year, the epitome of being young, wild and free. Instead, I was losing my youth day-by-day, restrictions on top of restrictions.

I remember thinking it would be something so short lived, that we would bounce back and pretend like it never happened. I know we probably are still heading that way, but I have to say, I am tired. I don't even know how to explain this exhaustion that I feel, but I feel like many of you reading will know exactly what I'm talking about.

I also think about what the world will be like once we make a full return to normalcy. Will I even want to party in a club again with a bunch of sweaty people? Will I be too old at that point?

I have been putting a lot of thought into the past year and the things it brought but also taken from me. I was scrolling through pictures on my phone this morning in an effort to delete some and I came across a screenshot that I took back in May of last year when my now boyfriend was telling me that he would one day make me write a book. At the time, it felt like one of those goals that I would eventually work towards down the road. Now, nearly a year later, it is becoming more and more of a reality and that's insane. Back then, I had just launched my blog publicly, and now, I have so many posts. Insaaaaaaaane.

As much as the last year has taken away from me, I am trying to think positively in that it has conditioned me to be more understanding, resilient, ambitious. To love more and treasure every moment. Crazy to think it's been a full year. Wow.