Gloomy days

This weekend has been absent of peace of mind and I have been wanting to write for a few days now. I keep sitting down with the intention to write and somehow, something puts me off. Here is another attempt at getting some thoughts on record.

This weekend has been gloomy both from a physical weather standpoint and I guess mentally and emotionally. I rarely tend to get down about stuff but the past few days seemed to have been one thing after the other. I have been feeling it weighing heavy on my shoulders. I have been thinking about a lot of things and I am unsure of how to even put it into words. Ever felt overwhelmed by a million thoughts? Have you had someone ask 'what's wrong?' and you know something is wrong but somehow you cannot articulate those feelings? That's about how I feel.

I have been thinking about the past few months and that more than half of the year is over and yet I feel like I stood still. I have been thinking about the progress others have made while I feel like I have done nothing. I know that isn't true but it truly feels that way sometimes. I also don't like comparisons but they simultaneously keep you accountable.

It's raining and I want to pick up a book and drown my thoughts in the plot of someone else's life. Does that even help when you know you probably should just tackle your own issues? Perhaps sleep on it.

For reference point, I keep on stopping and looking out the window. It's hard to write when you don't really know what you want to divulge. I guess my thoughts are just as cloudy as the weather.

Wasteful

I keep on thinking I lack the energy,

The time and patience to really try.

Although I might see things quite clearly,

I do quite feel I live a lie.

The energy is off and things keep on collapsing,

The things that I want most make me quite frantic.

I long for a realization,

A way to end this cycle.

Let down after let down,

We become most real when drunk.

I share with you my love,

And you’d rather play dumb.

As if I’m not here, as if I don’t exist,

You play with something meaningful,

You lead me to an abyss.

A never ending story is what’s in store for us,

I hope I’m there to see how it all plays out.

I don’t want to give it all up,

No, not just yet.

I still believe in this, that we can make amends.

Who are we really

Who are we really,

When all we know is this.

We know the happiness and pain,

The things that just exist.

Who are we meant to be,

This world is so unclear.

Somehow you have to live it,

I wonder if it’s near.

The happiness outside the pain,

The joy in the disaster.

The distance that we have created,

Everything’s much faster.

I want to stop the world and see,

Is this meant for me?

The crazy and the wild,

The reality of being free.

You and I know there’s so much more to this,

A kiss of sin, I can’t resist.

A world away, I never thought,

It would all come down like that.