Put some trust into letting go

It's kind of funny how the universe just has a way of making things happen when you finally let go and put your trust into it. I know that some of this might sound like bogus to most, but I truly believe that things have a way of working out in the end. This week I made a decision of letting go of certain things and people that I was holding on to for dear life. I let go of trying to make something happen or wish for it to happen and I just let life run its course. I felt stuck in trying to manifest things that were out of my control and instead, I tried to be at peace that even if something were to happen, maybe right now was just not the time for it. By the way, that's not to mean that what I was manifesting before is all of a sudden not still what I want. The difference is in the acceptance that maybe what I want isn't meant for me.

And so, I let go. Granted this is easier said than done and a part of me still longs for it, but I keep telling myself to just detach. The funny part is that as soon as I let go, not even 24 hours later, something happened and I was like woah, maybe everything I was wishing for just wasn't meant for me and this is instead.

Again, this could all be bogus for all I know but I feel good in trusting in the good that is coming.

xo

The preface of the real thing

I've never been much of a dweller. I don't really dwell on the sad, the bad or the ugly. I don't have an explanation as to why, I just don't. My friend saw me cry for the first time yesterday since our friendship began. I cried because I was overjoyed at the fact that I was in the same room as a new born baby, one that means the world to me. I don't think I've ever been in a hospital room before with someone who had a baby less than 24 hours prior so I guess it was unexplored territory for me. When I was handed that perfect little baby, tears left my eyes and streamed slowly all the way down my cheeks because I was so insanely happy, she was so perfect. Within seconds, I was a mess crying left and right and wiping tears from my face while smiling ear to ear. That was the first time my friend saw me cry.

As we were walking back to my car, she mentioned that she had never seen me cry before and that it was a special moment. I guess I do put a hard front up but I also guess I have reasons for that. She asked me how I deal with break ups if I don't cry...or do I cry? I am totally not a robot so yeah I cry but I try to limit it to one time, when the initial break up happens. At that time, I let all of myself fully hit rock bottom, cry it all out until I can't cry no more, and then I start picking myself up. In reality, crying about it for days, weeks, months after, doesn't really do anything for me at least, so I just don't. I'm sure this is easier said than done for all of you who might be more emotional than me but I try not to dwell on the hurt too much. Now disclaimer, that does not mean that I am not still hurt.

I still am hurt about a lot of things, people, situations, etc.

Just because I don't cry about it, doesn't mean I don't still hurt.

With that being said, it's probably good to make another disclaimer. Just because I don't post the hurt, does not mean that I am not in that position. Just because I look like I'm living my best life in pictures and stories, it does not mean you are getting the full story of my life. Now again, some of this might confuse you so I will make another disclaimer. Just because on the surface I look like I'm having fun, that does not mean that I am not having fun and that the whole thing is a facade or fake. Let's be real, I can go to an event and have the best time of my life, post about it, truly take in the moment, and still get sad or in my head at the end of the night when thoughts and memories creep in of things I would rather forget.

With social media's effect on our day-to-day living, our lives have become little highlight snippets that make our followers perceive us in a certain way. The thing is, that you can't win with social media. If you post the good, people think you live a perfect life unable to experience sadness. If you post the bad, people think you're seeking attention or crying wolf. If you don't post at all, you're pretty much a ghost. There really isn't a balance to be had.

I guess that the piece of advice I would give in all of this is to try to get to know someone outside of what is being posted. If the only way you keep up with your friends is by watching their stories and thinking "oh yeah they're looking like they're living the best summer ever I'm sure they're good", maybe check in on them and see if that is actually the case. Social media is beautiful in the sense that it allows us a close lens view into the lives of those around us, but don't forget that this is never the full story. There is always more.

Outgrow and evolve

The thought of outgrowing anything is one hell of a bittersweet thought. To know that you are on a path of growth is a good thing of course. Great even. Everyone ideally wants to grow and be better and more self-fulfilled. The problem with growth is that in order to embark on that journey, you often have to leave behind the things that made you comfortable, the things and people you created memories with, the things and people that you no longer have room for, the ones you outgrow.

Sometimes you might even outgrow things and people you weren't ready to outgrow or let go of. That happens too and that bittersweet feeling is more so bitter that sweet, but I guess it's all just part of a process.

It takes courage to sit down with yourself and identify what no longer serves you. It also takes courage to get up and do something about it. We often become complacent in our day-to-day life because it's comfortable and there isn't an immediate need for change. I was stuck in that sort of rut until about two weeks ago when someone asked me if I was fulfilled with where I was in life at that very moment. I hadn't asked that question of myself much in the past year and I guess a part of me was going with the flow because I used to over exhaust myself by actively always trying to change something. The goal for the year was more so to try to get back out there and live, given that a lot of life was taken away from me during the pandemic. I had that sort of plan in mind but didn't really strive for anything significantly better.

I had to sit down with myself and write down what I am unhappy about and what I think needs active changing or at least active thinking and planning about. I came up with some things and I have started the journey. It turns out that while not everything needs to do a 180 flip and change, some things I am unhappy about just require evolving.

Earlier this year I was talking to someone who was constantly looking to grow and challenge himself in all areas of life. At first, I found that to be a little exhausting and I even remember telling him that if he constantly pushes himself to do better and be better, that he will never be fully satisfied. I kinda wished he woulda slapped some sense into me then because I only now realize how much of what I was saying was really my complacency speaking. I was not growing then even though I should have and I should have supported his growth. It's kind of cool how growth also means accepting that you can be wrong and learning from that and giving yourself grace through making those errors. Of course that being obsessed with growth and self-betterment can also be toxic to the point of never fully being satisfied but I think now, looking back, he was just trying to make sure that his purpose in life was met. That he would be satisfied 5 or 10 or 15 years from now for taking the steps he was taking in the present.

I know now how important it is to keep moving and not get stuck in one place for too long. Growth comes from within and you have that power to make a change whether big or small, whether for yourself or for others. Just make sure you don't stop growing and expanding your horizons because life will be a whole lot duller otherwise.