Same, same, but different

Hiya friends! Happy New Year! I hope the new year brings you all more blessings, better health and an abundance of happiness throughout.

I'm very superstitious and I do believe that the way in which you start your year, will be the way the year will go... for the most part. I usually put some thought into this and a few days before the new year, I will make some decisions about what I want to keep in my life, and what I want to discard of in the new year. I have a lot of personal goals for the year and I truly am super excited about what is to come.

One of my bigger goals is to become a little bit more social. I know a lot of you who know me will think "wow Cez, more social than you already are???". Yes. Last year I took a break from a lot of things that were harming me at the time, but this year, I want to make more conscious but social improvements to everything I put a stop to last year. Let me dive into that a little deeper.

Last year I took a step back from the dating scene. I quite frankly didn't go out with anyone really since like June. I met some guys during my trip in October but nothing that I can say I brought back home with me. This was important to me because I had gotten a bit lost in the way in which I was perceiving dating and it was becoming toxic to me. I am happy I did that because I invested so much time into myself, the things I enjoy doing, and the people I love.

I think I have come full circle with that and I think I am ready to get back out there to some degree. This is where the social aspect comes in. I feel like the pandemic especially has made me a bit anti-social despite most people around me not noticing that change in me, because I still see a lot of friends and am generally actively having plans. However, I don't really get out there for the purpose of socializing with new people, making new connections, trying a new thing or meeting someone for the purpose of dating. If I am dating, it will be prompted by a dating app and I kind of hate that. I love meeting people organically and I don't even remember the last time I was in a place where I met a guy and he asked for my number. It's probably been years simply because I haven't put myself in that position to be approached.

This socializing thing doesn't just stop at dating though. I feel like in general, the only real time I meet people is when I travel. Other than that, for some reason, I am never really meeting new friends. I go out with my already existing friends, I rarely go outside of our already established circle, and while we are not at all against making friends, that generally just does not happen. I want to put myself more out there this year and bring myself out of that already established comfort zone. Maybe join some sort of a class, club, or go places on my own more.

That being said, I also want to make a more conscious choice as to when I do things. I find myself often waiting to partake in any one activity only on the weekends because I can sleep in the next day and will generally not do much during the week. I hate the concept of "living for the weekend" and yet I catch myself doing that exact thing. I guess my problem with escaping the mundane is also partially attributed to the fact that I do love having a routine and if I start "living" vicariously outside of the weekend, that has the potential of throwing my routine off track. All in all, I can't win.

The cool thing is that you are in charge of whatever you choose to do with your year. Whether you are like me and want to try to be more social or whatever else you're interested in, you have that power to make the changes necessary to reach your goal. The year has only just started and there is so much time ahead of you to make it all happen.

I wish you all a very happy new year and I hope you achieve everything you set your mind to. I look forward to everything I will create on here this year and sharing my work with you all.

As always, thanks for coming to my Cez talk.

A good omen for the year ahead

I thought it might be a good idea to commemorate today - for no one other than myself. I've thought about a lot of things today given the significance today holds in my life. I've thought about the good, bad and other that came out of today one year ago. More so than anything, I thought about how appreciative I am to the fact that this day last year, happened the way it did.

I remember feeling numb most of the day because I knew what was coming. I knew that I would spend the night likely either awake or with my eyes closed but a world of thoughts happening behind my eyelids. I knew that I would be signing up to be sad for a while even though I was lucky enough not to be sad for very long at all.

I was lucky enough to have someone walk into my life shortly after today that inherently changed my life without either him or I knowing it as it was happening. But that's another story and that's not why I am writing today.

The reason I sat down to write just now is because I feel I need to get something off my chest.

We as humans are so complex in our emotions that the mere ability to feel complicates everything.

I'm not sure if I even wanna dive into explaining what I mean by that because that line in itself came out of me so beautifully, I just want to let you feel and interpret that as you will.

I'm hopeful about what is to come. I think I've spent this year building up the courage to be myself again in all her glory and this is truly my time to shine.

So far all that it's worth, if you're reading this, and I hope you know this is about you, thank you for letting me go my own way and thank you for never coming back.

Let's share a coffee and good cheer

This is genuinely my favourite time of year. I probably love this time of year more than my birthday, which is quite a stretch given that my birthday is at the beginning of summer, so everything is green and sunny and life is just overall better in the summer.

The romantic writer in me loves this time of year. Maybe it's my love for hallmark movies and Christmas miracles. Maybe it's the holiday cheer and the simple fact that people tend to be nicer, more cheerful and more giving. Maybe it's a combination of all of those things with a sprinkle of hot cocoa and cozy fireplaces and a Christmas tree with twinkly lights. Maybe it's the fact that every year, I return to my hometown for a few weeks and I re-visit the local bars where I run into all my old friends and we catch up on our lives. This time of year always makes me feel just a little more grateful for my life, what I've accomplished and what I am capable of doing. It makes me feel just a little more hopeful that everything will work out, no matter whatever hardship I might be enduring.

More so than anything, this time of year and especially this year, makes me think of where I was at in life last year right around this time. Without the need to get into the sad shit, let's just say that I was experiencing a really sad time. I guess it sort of set the tone for the type of year that I would have and if you know me, you know I'm one superstitious bitch. I started the year with a kiss to my champagne flute and a selfie sent to a guy who also kissed his glass but somewhere in Florida. Needless to say, I wanted to kiss him instead. Needless to also say, that did not happen.

Weirdly enough, I kissed quite a bit of glasses this year, and not a whole lot of guys. Probably better that way cause I'm honestly sick of my heart hurting.

I've read 13 books this year, visited 6 countries and 11 cities, pet an abundance of dogs and drank somewhere around 400 cups of coffee. I rode a skateboard, held hands with strangers and danced the night away. I've vowed to never lose myself again, not for anyone.

It took approximately 6 months of working on myself every day to find a balance. I only cried 10 times this year. I made a handful of new friends and lost just as many. I re-connected with old friends and flames. I fell back in love with writing and I started working on a novel. I gave up writing that novel. I started again... and I gave up again.

I finally live on my own and I bought myself all the things I thought would make great "boyfriend gifts". Why was I waiting for someone else when I am fully capable of giving myself all of those things? Even so, some days get lonely and it would be nice to share life with someone. I don't want to though if that person will be temporary.

I'm at a place where life is good and I am on a good path. I have everything I need and maybe even a little more than that. I'm comfortable but also at a level of comfort where I can embark on new adventures with the peace of mind that I have a safety blanket to fall back on. I have a lot of things I want to do in the year to come, now is just a matter of working through the scattered ideas I keep on having.

Over the next few weeks, while I get ready for the holiday season, I want to give some thought to the things I want to accomplish in the year to come. The person I want to be, the people I want to attract, and the places I want to travel to.

If you're reading this, let's connect over a coffee cause I'd love to hear about your plans for the year to come.