Reflection

I started reading a book tonight, the first one in a long time. I enjoy reading but lately I feel I haven't made an honest effort to keep that up. It's a contemporary romance by Christina Lauren (my read of choice) and a part of it struck me. For context sake, a mother was talking to her daughter about a boy the daughter had met and the mother had asked if she liked him. The daughter, defensive, spoke about not wanting to get her hopes up. To this, the mother responded with "It's not like you won't be disappointed regardless if nothing happens. I don't know why people think permanent denial is better than temporary disappointment."

This resonated with me because immediately upon reading, I thought -guilty -

I feel a lot of us probably have done this exact thing and probably on more than one occasion. We avoid getting close and knowing someone to their core because of what? We're scared of disappointment? We're scared to tell someone how we really feel because of a temporary let down? I mean regardless, if they don't feel the same, we still get let down. So why drag it on?

See it's kind of silly that I say all of this now while being entirely complicit in this sort of behaviour. I think part of it, the reason we don't say how we feel or question how others feel is because of the fear of feeling as if we are not good enough. While this shouldn't be the case, it seems almost justified as a human behaviour. And then some settle because they're scared to wander and see if the grass can be greener elsewhere. Some settle because they hold on to someone who satisfies most of their boxes but they're scared they will never reach perfection anyway. I think that terrifies me. I have heard about people who marry someone that does not light them up inside because they were scared they'd eventually end up alone if they didn't. I think I would rather choose to be alone than sleep next to someone I didn't love with my whole heart.

I remember how anti feelings and relationships I had been before all because of a past heartbreak and every time I would get close to someone I would back away because well, I was comfortable loving myself because I could never harm myself the way someone else can. It became my logic, my way of being. So I would indulge in the chase, when things were great and no problems arose. As soon as things would get serious, and the question of "what are we?" would come about, I would decide it was time to slowly ghost. Was it the right thing to do? Probably not. Do I feel bad about it? Also probably not. But it was my way to cope. I couldn't get heartbroken if I was doing the breaking. Although, when I think about it, I always kind of felt bad too. I might be talking in circles.

And then there are the exceptions of course - the people who despite it all, carry their hearts on their sleeve and go into a new encounter completely and whole-heartedly open minded. Sometimes I wish I could be like that. To take everything with a grain of salt and go into the next knowing that I took the memories and left the bad times behind. You know, as I write this down, I strangely start to believe it. I mean if other people can do it, why can't I right? Nonetheless, the above paragraph is mostly a product of the past, I feel like I am more of this paragraph now than the last - or at least I would like to tell myself I am.

I guess everyone has a way of coping when they are hurt or have been hurt. However, I think we all also dream about that happily-ever-after. So maybe temporary disappointment might steer us in that way. Life is not meant to be lived in a shell that is all-protective of anything that may harm us.

25 things I learned in my 25 years of life

1. Tell yourself everyday that you can do anything and I promise you that every single day you will be one step closer to achieving it. There really is no time to mope, feel sorry for yourself, or overthink situations that you cannot help anyway.

2. Not everyone will agree with you and you really should not try to argue that, despite it hurting you. All you can do is take that information and choose whether or not the issue is important enough to let go of a person or get over it and move on.

3. As much as you might be a good person and do good things for the well-being of others, you might not get anything in return and that should not stop you from continuing to do good deeds. Be good for your own fulfillment.

4. In friendships and love, time means nothing. You can have years with a person and them betray you, and you can have days with someone else and they do something better than anyone else ever could. It truly always is quality over quantity.

5. Splurge. You only live one life and that life should be lived to the fucking fullest. If you want a designer bag, go get it because you might not have another chance again.

6. If something seems crazy but you have a gut feeling that tells you it is ok and you should do it anyway, DO IT. You might create some really amazing memories.

7. My dad always used to say that you can tell apart someone's intellect by their ability to talk and get along with individuals below them. Intellect is not showing that you are smarter, but simply being smarter.

8. Be humble, sure but if you work hard for something and you are truly happy with the results, go ahead and flaunt it. At the end of the day, you did all that work yourself and it is admirable.

9. As much as you might not like a job, make sure you exhaust all of your abilities to network and branch out before you quit. And if you do quit, make sure you don't burn a bridge because you never know when you will need those people again.

10. Stop giving out a million chances. If someone does not change after 1 chance, they likely never will. Alongside that one, my dad taught me to forgive but never forget.

11. Try everything twice. A good friend of mine told me that. She said that first times in everything might be an abundance of emotions and might go wrong because you were not prepared or did not know what to expect but second times may change your opinion.

12. Do not be scared to love. When someone offers you their heart, do not run away because you might run away from the right person. And on that note, fall in love and get heartbroken and do it all over again without a heavy heart or fear of another broken heart. Sharing a part of yourself with someone and having them do the same in return is an indescribable feeling and although you might one day be in tears over it, you will make it through. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

13. There is no such thing as right person, wrong time. If someone cared for you enough, they would have made it work somehow, someway because losing you would have been worse. So don't you ever believe someone who tells you that because frankly, they're just trying to let you down easy.

14. Enjoy the simple pleasures of life. A good cup of coffee, a cold beer, a whole cake. Whatever it may be, don't say no unless you will die from any of those.

15. Read and read in abundance. Words are so beautiful and it is a shame how much knowledge there is out there that is not being absorbed. Also fuck those people who say books are for nerds or that they do not have time for books. And also fuck those people who e-read cause there is nothing better than holding a physical book in your hands and flipping through the pages.

16. Take the time to travel and get to know your roots. You will likely catch the travel bug and want to do it again and again and again until you die but there is nothing wrong with that. I promise you that life will feel more full upon understanding where you come from or when you find the spot that lights you up inside.

17. On that note, have sex and do it often. By no means am I saying that you should whore yourself out (unless it is for free iced coffee) but engage in sex and have fun with it (consensually of course).

18. When things get hard, do not be afraid to turn to spirituality or religion even if you do not otherwise identify with either. I got through some of my toughest times by just saying a prayer or sitting in a church because when I walked out, something inside told me it would all be okay.. and I am not religious at all by the way.

19. If you want something, go fucking get it and stop waiting for it to fall into your lap or put it off for so long, you never end up doing it. If something is important to you, then make sure you take all the necessary steps towards making that thing happen. Life is too short for missed opportunities.

20. If you need help, ask for it. No one can read your mind and guess that you are feeling down or are anxious about something, anything. No matter how small it is, ask for help. I had a friend commit suicide early on in life and I pledged to always be that friend that others can count on. On that note, make sure you are that friend that checks up on their friends. It is a lot easier than you would think and someone's well being could depend on your kindness.

21. My parents told me this early on in life and I keep it dear to my heart always. Your parents and siblings are your only friends in life. Yes I know this varies for everyone but it worked in my life. In times when I thought my friends were giving me the best advice, my family had my better(est) interests at heart. They never ceased to make me their number one despite multiple friends not picking up their phones in a time of need.

22. Do not give up when the going gets hard. While this applies to almost everything in life, I will make my example about relationships. My parents have been married for 26 years, they moved their entire life across the globe with 3 young children and worked around the clock to give their kids the best life possible. Through it all, although the going got HARD, they did not give up. Not on their life, not on their love and not on anything else alike. So many people walk away from relationships, marriages, families because shit gets hard. FIGHT HARDER because nothing worth having ever comes easy.

23. Money runs the world and while it is not everything, it sure makes life easier. As someone wise (or something along those lines) once said, "money may not buy happiness but I'd rather cry in a Mercedes than on a bus". Financial freedom is hard to come by and if you have that, make sure you learn to appreciate experiences and do not let the money get to your head. Be hungrier for life than for money.

24. You can never be overdressed or overeducated and that's that on that.

25. Last but not least, don't forget to have fun and as cliché as it sounds, stop and smell the roses. Life will pass by so quickly and it is so important to be goofy whenever possible. I can't believe 25 years have already passed. Laugh, share a laugh, pass a laugh on. Smile and you will be smiled at back.

Addressing the world

Everyday, through our very actions, we address the world.

Think about that for a moment.

We wake up, and depending on our mood, we take some sort of action. Sometimes, we get dressed and go out into the world in our best outfit and have the best day ever. Sometimes, we do not want to interact, so we throw on a quick hoodie and avoid human contact. And yet, through those very actions we address the world.

Think of the world as a person, and even if you can avoid other people, you cannot avoid the world. The world sees you on the outside, as well as sees through you. When you are having a good day, the world sees you smile. When you are having a bad day, the world watches you.

Now think of the world as a social media outlet. Nowadays, we let people on social media that we barely know, look right into our lives. Worst of all, we share so many private aspects of our lives with people who perhaps do not care about us that much.

When you have a good day, you generally post a smiling selfie outlining the fact that your day is going great. When you have a bad day, you tend to post a petty quote up or express your frustration outright.

Just like that, you address the world.

One may wonder, why do we give the world this privilege? We let the world know when we are hurting so that those who want to see exactly that, get the satisfaction. When something goes well for us, we showcase our trophies and allow envious individuals to evil eye our accomplishments or talk down something that seems positive to us in the moment.

Addressing the world should not be a necessity. Addressing the world should be a humble reminder that we exist and are working through our good and bad days. Addressing the world should not come through our very own posting of our lives, but rather letting our actions speak for themselves. Addressing the world should be in the very back of our minds when we are gifted every day with a chance to make a change, whether it be in our own life, another person's or the world.

Stop thinking that it is necessary to address the world, and rather let your accomplishments speak for you.