A wave of summer

Life has been super exciting lately. Trips, concerts, memories being made left and right. People, interactions, dates and friends and everything in between. I have been loving life as of late and the abundance of life that I am faced with. Simultaneously, I am so insanely busy and it feels like I haven't had a day fully to myself in weeks, maybe months. In some ways I want to prioritize my mental health and being by myself when I need to be, while I also want to take full advantage of these fleeting moments with awesome people.

I'm growing and changing day by day, and I think back sometimes to the beginning of this year and the lack of direction I had back then, and feel thankful for all that has happened because it led to who I am today. It does suck to think back at the fact that I started my year with people that are no longer in my life and sometimes, I still feel that emptiness within. Nonetheless, life is a series of experiences and if it weren't for those experiences, I wouldn't be the individual that I am today.

I've been prioritizing myself and that has felt enriching. I don't really put effort into dating or going on dates despite having been on a few. I feel like every time I come out of a date, even if I had a great time, my desire for a second date is contingent on how much time I want to devote to a person. If I'm being completely honest with myself, that desire doesn't really exist at this time. I feel like it would take someone super fricken special for me to want to be less selfish with my time because for once, I feel so happy by myself. I like putting my time into me and that will never break my heart. That being said, I don't mind getting to know new people and I haven't closed myself off to the idea of meeting someone new.

Summer is here and things are about to get even more exciting. With new trips planned and memories awaiting to be made, maybe this time is the time to really focus on putting myself first and leave all the rest in the background. I can't say I have gotten my creative touch back and honestly, writing still feels like a bit of a chore most days. I wanted to check in and say that I am well and I hope that all of you are too. Life's too short for missed opportunities. So, if I can give you a piece of advice, go and take full advantage of the things you want to do. If you miss someone and you're scared to write to them, go do it because maybe that person misses you back. If you want to go on a trip but have no one to go with, go solo. If you love someone, go scream it at the top of your lungs. Don't let life pass you by without doing the things that are good for your soul.

Not sure when I'll check in again but for now, stay gold my friends xo.

Logging off

The truth is, I don't have any desire to write. I feel uninspired, burnt out and every time I try to sit down and write, it feels forced. There's a handful of you who still read my blog religiously and you're probably wondering why I haven't been writing. I guess this is the naked truth.

The truth is that if I were to write, I would do it to send a message, demand some sort of attention from someone I want to hear from but I don't wanna do that anymore. So while I log off for the next little while, I want you, my sweet readers, to know that I'm okay and living life. I head over to NYC for the first time ever next week and fly out on my birthday. I have concerts and trips coming up, sweet people to spend my summer with. While I might be in a funk, I am still loving every minute of living life with my awesome friends and family.

I'm not sure when I'll return to this, but I hope that when I do, my writing will be much more inspired and polished.

Take care and stay wild friends xo

Sunshine state of mind

I feel like a lot of what I've been writing lately has had a more negative spin and I guess I really do get most of my inspiration when I'm in a bad head space. Struggling artist or whatever. However, on a more positive note, this morning I pulled my journal out to get some thoughts on paper and I came to notice that I hadn't written anything in it in over a week (which is pretty rare unless I'm travelling). This served as such a positive reinforcement because for the last week or so, I have been so busy with plans and seeing friends and doing things and living life, that I have not felt a need or had the time to really sulk in my emotions and that's been fricken great.

Today served as a nice reminder that bad times come and go just like everything else in life and eventually, you will reach a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have a lot of exciting things coming up in the next few weeks with the most immediate one being my dad's birthday later on this week and me driving home on Thursday to surprise him. I get a super long weekend this weekend so I'm excited to be home and see friends and hangout with my family. I feel like I don't see them enough and that has been in the back of my head for a while. I'm coming up on three years of living in Toronto and lately, I have a new appreciation for the city which is so unlike my previous posts where I had reached a low of hating everything around me, including the place I lived. Things are looking up.

I've been trying to be more present, read more, learn more, live through each moment fully. It's been sort of nice to get to know that part of myself again and do more of the things that I used to love. Fresh sheets and a good movie, days out in the sun at the zoo with good people, drinks on a patio and endless laughs. I've really been enjoying the moment lately.

If you're still reading this, I really do hope you take some time to get to know yourself at your deepest core. I know it may just sound cliche but I know you're probably not diving in deep enough. When was the last time you did something that causes you to smile to yourself? Be your own sunshine state of mind.

Love u, take care of yourselves :) xo