Sunshine and the smell of sunscreen on skin

Fleeting moments with amazing people. Smelling the sunscreen in the air. The saltiness of the ocean. Night swims and cuddles after dark in the pool. What a week.

I finally went on my first tropical trip this past week. I had been to "tropical" places before, but never to the typical North-American all-inclusive trip that everyone and their mother goes to growing up. I must say, I always felt a bit isolated growing up because all of my friends went on spring break trips, all-inclusives with their families and I, mostly stayed home. My family could never really afford all of that so I felt like I always missed out on opportunities of that kind. We were new immigrants and money was always tight in our early years in the country.

I remember back in like 2015 or something, my first ever boyfriend wanted to go to a tropical place and was trying to get all of our friends to go. I still was stupid broke and remember when I saw the price of the place he wanted to go to, I wanted to hide under a table and cry cause it was way beyond anything I could afford back then. He offered to pay for me but I simply could not come to terms with that. I didn't want a handout, I just wanted to be able to afford it myself.

As you all know now, I do travel a fair bit these days. I guess I am making up for lost time. And so, earlier this past summer, I finally booked my first tropical all-inclusive. To some extent, I knew what to expect having heard stories over the years from friends who have gone. Nothing really could have prepared me for the week I was about to have.

My sole intention for the trip was to catch some rays, get a bomb tan and most importantly, have some time to relax and spend time with my sisters who I don't see enough as it is given that we live in different cities. All of my other trips this year have been super go-go-go, so this, was finally my chance to really soak in some relaxation and do nothing other than eat, drink, sleep and be a mermaid.

While I did all of the above, I also had the fortune of meeting some awesome people that elevated the experience and brought the party to me. The nights that I thought I'd go to bed early, I was woken up by calls that asked for my presence at the midnight swim. The days where I thought I'd simply be a mermaid in the sun, I ended up doing body shots and sang "Sweet Caroline" at the top of my lungs.

What stood out to me though, was a very simple moment one of the days. I was walking with my sisters towards the pool and I randomly got a whiff of someone's sunscreen in the air. I had one of those out-of-body moments where for a split second, I took it all in for just how amazing it is to smell sunscreen in the burning sun, hear the waves hit the shore in the distance, and walk around in your bikini in search for some jerk chicken. I know it sounds so silly cause it was literally like a ten-second long thing, but it felt so nice to just be there and take that in.

Another moment that stuck to me was on my second last night, I came down for the midnight swim and a group of about fifteen of us got together. There was music playing, people swimming, drinking and just having a great old time. I asked one of the guys to play mermaids with me (I was drunk). I am laughing as I'm writing this cause I literally just remembered that I straight up was trying to show this guy how good I was at being a mermaid so I did a summersault in the pool without even being asked to. I just know he questioned my whole ass sanity. Nonetheless, he joined in and gave me a piggyback ride through the pool and for the next god knows how long of time, we talked about so much. I told him about my book, about my writing, he told me about him, his work, his life. While I only remember bits and pieces, what I liked about all that was that it was cool to just have a conversation with nothing else at stake. We joined the group back up eventually, and parted ways at the end of the night without so much as exchanging any of our info. Sometimes, fleeting moments like that just mean so much more when followed up by absolutely nothing.

Last but not least, I met a group of girls as soon as I got on to the plane to the DR that were the absolute best. It's so refreshing how a few short days can create the best memories with people who just take you in and treat you as their own. The whole time we had people ask us how long we've been friends for and it was always such a shock when they found out it had only been a few days. I really couldn't be happier with the way things turned out.

As I write this with a total smile on my face, I am so happy to be home and to take on the last little bit of the year at home. I have been to 5 countries this year and honestly, I am so tired. With my next trip not until March 2024, I am so happy to be spending some time at home with those I love. I'm ready for the holly jolly holiday season, seeing my friends, family, and everything in between. I know you probably will expect some wild stories from me in the months to come, but honestly, I really hope it is just peace, quiet and boring in all the best ways.

With all my love, thanks for coming to yet another Cez talk xo.

Burnt toast and letting it all fall into place

I read something the other day about a concept called the "burnt toast theory". The theory goes something like, if you burn your toast before work and it adds 5-10 minutes to your morning, those 5-10 minutes might be saving you from something catastrophic that was going to happen, such as a car accident or running into someone you don't want to see. In short, the idea of being in the right place, at the right time, under ideal circumstances.

This goes hand-in hand with a different analogy that someone shared with me which goes something like "you don't catch a flight by running for it" which means that the work and preparation you put into something is what will bring you the results you desire. All in good time and when it makes sense.

I saw an old friend last night that I hadn't seen in over a year. The reality is that she lives across the province and seeing each other has become more and more of a challenge over the years. The last time we were together was to celebrate the wedding of a mutual friend. Last night was the first time in probably years that we were able to have some one-on-one time and really get to talk about everything that is going on in each of our lives, our plans for the future and all of the memories we've gathered since our last face-to-face encounter.

Above all, we talked about our personal growth. We reminisced on our first few years of knowing each other, our first loves, the good times, the hardships, the trips, all the cool stuff we've done over the years. We talked about our most recent accomplishments, the good people in our lives that keep us going and thriving. It felt good to be in an environment where I knew exactly who I was sitting across, but a version that has gone through so much in the last decade. It also felt good to know that I too, am in a good place in life, with lots of accomplishments to talk about and an immense gratitude for who I was and who I have become.

While it sucks to know that life often gets in the way and these catch ups happen less and less, it feels just as good to know that we can pick up where we left off with nothing but love for one another and the best of wishes for each other.

After three hugs that I wished would last a little longer, I started walking back to my car in search of home. I passed the big Toronto sign in front of city hall and I thought back to the trip we took back in November 2017. I remembered the immense love I had for the city, the airbnb above a Mary Brown's chicken place, and the very selfies I took with the Toronto sign when I was nothing but a tourist. It really felt surreal to think about a time when I was actually just a tourist and Toronto was the place I longed to escape to whenever I had some time, money and a friend to join me.

As I started my car and drove down Dundas towards the DVP, I thought to myself to a time when the gps was a necessity, the DVP was a highway I navigated only as a passenger princess and the way my heart literally skipped a beat every single time I had an unobstructed view of the CN tower. To think that up until four years ago, that was my reality.

Sometimes reminiscing can leave a bit of an empty spot in your heart for all that you may have lost in time. This time around, my heart felt immensely full of love for myself, for all that I was able to accomplish, for my friends and family because they stuck around and encouraged me time and time again to keep glowing and growing, and for all of those who I have lost in time and whose absence in my life has brought me peace. I really wouldn't be where I am today had the above not happened.

With a full heart and a world of gratitude to give, I thank you all for coming to my Cez talk xo

Icky sicky memories of a Brazilian getaway

I really don't know how, but after every single time that I travel, I get sick. It is without fail that every single time I somehow, someway catch some sort of an illness. And so, as I ever so conveniently get myself situated in bed, I figured I might as well tell you the story of how I ended up here.

To start off, I just want to thank my buddy Mohamed for pushing me to write on this trip. He asked me to keep my notes app close by and jot down little moments as they happen. Thanks for that, I really have a whole lot of content now to write about.

I often get anxiety about the airport part before I leave for a flight. I'm not sure why and I guess I just expect the worst and not in the "my plane will crash" way, but rather that I'll miss my flight or someone will say that a delay will affect my connecting flight. I'm also notorious for fitting my entire life into a carryon only and honestly, if you see the size of that thing, you will likely question my sanity. I have no idea how I make a whole week fit into that tiny of space but I somehow have always made it work. I guess I'm just great at packing. That also plays into an airport fear of mine because I refuse to check a bag because I'm scared that my luggage will be lost. However, my luck often tends to run out when I also refuse to pay for any sort of an upgrade and I end up being the last group to board and the space in the overhead bins runs out and I am forced to check my bag. You win some and you lose some and I especially hate to lose.

So let's take it back to October 7, around 6pm when a lovely American Airlines employee made a pre-boarding announcement that if your boarding pass says you are in groups 6 to 9, to please check your carryon as there will not be any place for you to store said bags anywhere on that plane. I looked down at my boarding pass with a defeated face because I literally was listed as group 9. I put my pretty kiss-ass face on and made my way to him. A few exchanges were made (I will not spill my secrets) and before I was able to wipe the stupid fake smile off my face, he upgraded me to group 4.

From then on, the pressure was on. My first flight got into Miami late. I had 30 minutes to get off the plane, find my gate and run to it. I spent the flight to Miami stressing with an alcoholic beverage in hand. I figured that if I had to run to catch a flight, I may as well do it under the influence. Not really sure where that logic came from, but it worked. I guess it wasn't much of logic, as much as it was the fact that I saw on the inflight service menu that they were "selling" Truly seltzers and my mouth watered instantly at the sight. I was absolutely dead set on buying one, until I found out they were complimentary.... so I got two instead.

I made it on the second flight with minutes to spare and the dire need to re-apply deodorant. I was sweating. As the crew began making their introductions, they made a joke about the co-pilot missing and our need to wait for him for the next hour. Except it wasn't a joke and I had just ran halfway across that airport for literally nothing. I was livid.

When the plane eventually took off, I took my anger out on the snacks and bevvies. I drank enough Truly's to eventually put myself in a very deep sleep. I woke up around breakfast being served and decided I craved chaos. I put a horror movie on. My logic was that since I'm scared to watch them by myself cause I live alone and spook easily, it is a lot easier to watch them on a plane full of people. My logic made total sense and I actually didn't get too scared.

It was 9am when I landed in Rio and immediately I was hot. I didn't really know what to expect. It was my first time in South America. I almost got scammed in the airport by a legitimate in-house taxi company. I also didn't expect that. But, I was smarter than to accept the taxi service without first doing some research. I got an uber for a quarter of the price although frankly, the uber driver also freaked me out a bit. The guy showed up in a car without a trunk and gave me a weird look when he saw that I had a suitcase. Sir, you literally picked me up from an airport....did you really think I wouldn't have any baggage? After shoving my luggage in the backseat next to me, we were on our way to the beautiful Ipanema beach.

I was met with kind smiles from the staff at the hostel despite them not letting me check into my room until 3pm. I really needed a shower which I had to compromise on with a little "freshening up" in their public washroom. I was not happy about that. Nonetheless, the day was young and we had a full itinerary to take on. Justine met me in the lobby and we made our way to the beach in search for some food. It was an early Sunday morning and food was impossible to be found for some reason. I settled for an overpriced picanha sandwich (cause apparently that's famous in Brazil), some fries and of course, a caipirinha because what better thing can you do at 10am on your first day in Rio than get drunk?

Before I had a chance to even take in the fact that I was actually in the world-famous Rio de Janeiro, we were already headed to our next adventure - Christ the Redeemer. I think that was the running feeling the entire time I was in Rio. I felt like I did not have enough time to really wrap my head around the fact that I was there, that was my life, and I really was witnessing one of the coolest cities in the world. I guess that's the thing about travel in general when you have a return date - you have to fit in as much as possible in that limited time frame. That takes away from the authenticity of the experience a little bit. I'm not complaining though because I know I am very privileged to have the ability to travel in the first place.

That first night was really cool. I was so ready to have the first night out in the city and despite it being a Sunday, we really were dead set on going out and making the most out of it. I put on a hot outfit and made my way to the bar. A few drinks in, I was drunk texting a cute guy and wishing he was with me in that moment. A few drinks later, I fell asleep in the back of an uber LOL. It felt good though, I needed to just detach from the professional life I was living at home and I just wanted to indulge.

The following two days in Rio went by so quickly, I literally could forget they even happened if I didn't have the pictures and videos to prove it. From swinging in the air on the gondola going up to Sugarloaf Mountain to acai bowls, street parties, Brazilian steak houses and everything in between, I truly cannot wrap my head around all of the amazing things we were able to fit into just a few days. I got to swim in the ocean, watch the surfers take on the waves, feel the hot sand on my feet. What a beautiful life it really is.

Three days later, we were already on yet another flight - this time to Sao Paulo for the beginning of the four day rager at Tomorrowland. We were so stinking excited, I literally remember when Justine and I got to our room and saw all of our gifts, we screamed out loud while jumping around the room. It really was a bucket list item coming true. Those four days were so insane from so many different points of view. So much happened that I'm still trying to wrap my head around even two weeks later. There were laughs, there were cries, there were wet shoes and muddy socks. There were midnight snacks turned into buffets and running into people you know somehow, someway, despite the tens of thousands in the crowd. There were gifts laid on our beds every night, ridiculous traffic, sing-alongs on the bus. Morning swims, waterparks, deep sleeps in crisp white sheets.

I got deathly ill by the time that we had to leave. The last day of our trip was spent strolling the streets of Sao Paulo and coming to terms that we would sleep in a dorm with 4 guys that smelled like dirty socks. Come 3am on the morning of my flight back home, I was battling a serious fever and had a 15 hours travel day ahead of me. I would personally like to thank the patient pharmacy lady and google translate because I would have likely died without the serious medication I needed.

I spent a week recovering and likely got a cute guy sick. I might hear his complaints in the days to come but I did it for the plot. I can now say I have been to Brazil and to the second-largest music festival in the world. The sniffles, the fever and everything in between was totally worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Maybe not quite a heartbeat because I am still pretty tired and two weeks have passed but, I'm sure I'll be ready for my next adventure in the next 3 weeks when I head out to the Dominican Republic.

With a smiling heart and a congested nose, I really am so grateful for this beautiful life I am so fortunate to live.

As always, thanks for coming to my Cez talk xo