A game of chance

I was told to take a chance,

See what would happen next.

I wanted to so badly,

You’d never understand.

I wanted to say “fuck it”,

Put my trust all in it.

But how can I do something,

When all this grief is in me.

I want to take a chance,

I know what would happen next.

I want you, oh so badly,

I wish you’d understand.

I am saying fuck it!

I put my trust all in it.

My grief is just a factor,

And I’m willing to look past it.

You’re right in front of me,

How could I be so blind.

I am taking a chance,

I know what I want next.

Say that you will have me,

Forever till the end.

A monologue to God

You’re far away, yet I feel suffocated.

I think about running to you

Like you are home.

I beg and plead for this universe to let me,

Finally make these decisions on my own.

Why do you get to decide what stays and what goes?

Who gave you power?

I used to think this was the plan,

That there is something greater.

Now, I re-evaluate if perhaps,

There is a secret chamber.

One that holds secret confessions and worldly possessions.

I long to get something off my chest.

A confession of sorts.

You must promise not to tell a single soul.

I will walk away when I am all done.

Nothing to look back to.

But for now, I’ll say, I will forever miss you.

The future

It's too hard.

Pretending.

I say one thing but mean another.

I'm okay.

But really, I want to get out of here faster.

I miss it.

The freedom.

Taking the city in and fantasizing.

The future.

Our future.

I guess I really miss it.

It ended before it even started.

Now I'm left here wondering.

This future.

Our future.

Is it ever happening?

We talk.

Not much.

But nothing is the same.

I know.

You know.

It's all part of a game.

This future.

Our future.

I'll leave it up to fate.